Aggressively ignorant

Though I'm no one special (or only aspire to be in secret, as the blog title suggests), I firmly believe that no one deserves to be belittled. Behold the reply to my suggested edits, which I have been awaiting for the past 3 weeks. I thought I would share the latest little delight that just popped up in my inbox at 9pm. Just the gem that will help propel my job search. Disregarding his flagrant ignorance of the actual situation, and in many cases the spelling of the English language, I offer the following for your amusement:

N,

I am sorry I do not know who and where you are, next time Ii'd appreciate, if you could shortly introduce yourself.

First, I received your edited text today, Thursday August 14, that is exactly one month after you people made me observing the deadline. Would you be so kind to explain, why it took you four weeks to edit our text. Yes, indeed, "our" text. With that authorship how I sent the text to you. Possibly you'll explain to me how my co-author jumped from that position to a footnote. That is a clear infringement on copyrights and intellectual property.

I am leaving for Rome countryside (at least until August 21 without Internet access.

I come back to you then.

Sincerely,
Mister.


How I would love to reply:

Dear M,

I am glad you reviewed my edits, three weeks after they were originally sent. Perhaps you were in the country when they delivered? No matter. Your co-author and I have been corresponding for the past week. I am happier still that neither of you have any feedback regarding the actual text which your co-author noted perspicaciously "does have a few abbreviations of the original text. it reads smoothly and we do not have any further remark on the text." Yes, it was transformed from illegible drivel (your contribution) to a concise and confident support for an emerging artist by my tireless department. Thank you also for not bothering to spell or grammar check your email, as I have already come to recognize this as your formal style.

Further, I was rather surprised at your hostile reaction to the design layout, as when we last spoke I was under the impression that you would write the text, and we would design the book... as was specified in our contract. Somehow the roles in the production have been transposed. Thus considering, I assume you will now be paying for the printing and design costs and must say that I am quite relieved by this new arrangement as I much prefer writing anyway. Please advise where the invoice should be addressed accordingly.

Lastly, I want to extend my thanks that you cc'ed my department supervisor and the miss-led advisor who brought you aboard this project. I feel confident moving forward that I will never again have to rewrite a text from you or your co-author... How does one manage to co-author a text merely 2000 words anyway? This magic of yours will keep me awake at night!

Sincerely,
N